Best funny status updates in facebook

Here they are…. Funny Status. Top Status Updates. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Now wheres my bitch carlos to rub my toes…with ketchup. I will go into town and buy the bull then ill send a telegram so you can come help me bring it back.

Statistics say that 1 in 4 people are insane, so take a look at your 3 best friends and if they are all OK, its you! You whats funny? Too bad. OMG, I am reading through this page and i just cannot stop laughing! U bitches..!!! Boy: Its Over…. Girl: What?? WTF did i dooo??? It dont matter i already slept with 3 of your friendss! Girl: ………. Guys, I thought I would make things a little easier for you.

Facebook, Slagbook, meet just to Shagbook, sneaking about but then ya get caughtbook. Guiltbook, Shamebook, not ya real Namebook, in ya photos ya gorgeous but really yr a Mongbook! Prankbook, Skankbook what a fuckin Crankbook. Its gettin pretty scary cos its turning into Wankbook.

Scrapbook, Papbook catch the fuckin Clapbook, grab ya shitty iphone and add the shitty Appbook. Shitebook, Strifebook get a fucking Lifebook! Creepbook, Peepbook when ya take a Leakbook! Yal even be Facebooking in ya fuckin Sleepbook. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions. I never mind what I speak. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said years. She calls me her sixty second lover.

Ha ha ha, erect. Hell, do both. Get married. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet. Once a pun a time. Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged. Ugly people!!! But i can fly. Of course I like my own comments.

So far, I think nature is winning. While socks last. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other. I went away and came back with a cup of water…..

Is that wrong? How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown. Well played Wally, well played. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about. You want to travel,I want you to go. Drinks on you home. Your prolly a lil bitch who thinks your cooler than everyone. Words of our lord amen. So thanks for the compliment!

Want a sandwich? I only use it when I have time: lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. Teen: Mom can I wear this belly shirt today? Me: No. Teen: Can I pleeeaaaasseee wear this mini skirt then? Me: Never in your life! Teen: Please, just let me wear this hot pink lipstick? Me: I know Justin… I know….. Justin: Mom, can I ask you something? Me: Sure sweetie. Justin: ……. Sincerely, Me. The funeral is at K. C you going? The cheese and tomato joke is so funny I fingered my vagina so hard that there was blood everywhere.

Then I just played with myself. All you fans out there, well I have something to say to you, if i can deal with being made fun of just like this, then so can JB or whatever because after a while you get use to it, you fans just are not getting it, you think he is hurt, he gets used to it! And all you ugly people out there, you are not going to get a chance with him now stop being jelous i mean seriously!

I am not a fan but I am telling all you fans, you need to get some common sense!!! I mean really all this publicity is great for him! I mean seriously why! JUsss ssaying. Too funny…. I reposted somebody these…. Very good. His tombstone may read — iDead…. After research a few of the weblog posts on your web site now, and I really like your method of blogging.

I bookmarked it to my bookmark web site checklist and can be checking again soon. Pls check out my web site as properly and let me know what you think. I swear Mario is a hobo, He wakes up wearing the same clothes, Runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what? This is just all………….. Hahaha I agree. And people who keep saying all blondes are dumb need to stop being so hypocritical, really it just means you have no life, well that your not liveing it to the fullest anyway. I went to the shell gas station this morning.

Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. I think the real issue is, the answer is One problem with the status …. My guess is Hispanic blonde. Impaired judgment, 2.

Lose of memory and.. Engineering is the study of finding a black cat in a dark room,u know wh,when der is no cat.. Pickup line of the day: Did you get those pants on sale? The Prostitute Says No. Drowning is the act of suffocation while being submerged usually in water While I agree that suffocation and drowning have the same outcome, they are not the same thing. When one is being smothered with a pillow, they are suffocating, not drowning. You go back to school!

Suffocation is the build up of CO2 in the body not being able to escape! Not so much the lack of Oxygen!! Hey dumbass… fish cant drown thats sufficating in water… they can sufficate though…. Just for interest sake. Did you know in Japan girls keep their phones on vibrate and put them down their crotch? Recover your password. Get help. Hot in Social Media Tips and Tricks.

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Learn more. Got it! If I die at the gym while lifting weights, add more weights then call Does anyone know how long you can put chicken in the freezer? I put one in last night and it was dead this morning. It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.